Ghost Patrol: LNS
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Ghost Stories
(this is not a puzzle)

Thinking outside the ecto-containment unit

5/31/2016

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As a Senior Management Operations Director with Ghost Patrol International Holdings LLLC, I often face the challenge of wondering what it would be like to be called upon to share my professional wisdom. I ideate feelings of goodness. I imagineer a tingly sensation, like when my personal massage therapist, Doreen, uses that mentholated balm that feels good and scary, but good scary, all at once. I think about how my guidance might reap incredible profits for my franchise owners and for myself and my company or how it could devastate numerous lives with absolutely no repercussion to me whatsoever. Seriously, there would be no repercussion. That's a funny word, ree-purr-cuss-shun. The world of business is rich with exactly those kinds of opportunities for insight. As a Ghost Patrol franchise owner you may, from time to time, be faced with challenges that seem insurmountable. It is in those time that I encourage you to truly express your independence, to solve your own problems, to maybe try googling it. Make time for your needs. Eat right. Adopt an exotic pet. Change your hairstyle and color. Consider changing your name to just initials. Make a list of non-extradition treaty countries and keep it on your nightstand. Whatever you do, remember that Ghost Patrol International Holdings LLLC maintains the right to disavow any knowledge of your existence. Namaste.

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Coming Soon to Walnut Creek!

5/18/2016

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Ghost Patrol is expanding franchise opportunities to Walnut Creek, California! Get in at the below-ground level with a certified Ghost Patrol franchise. The thought of becoming a Ghost Patrol franchise owner may sound appealing, it’s true. As a franchise owner, you’ll farm out the hard work to a group of lackeys known as a “team”. Teams usually consist of 1-3 peons and one “team leader”. As your team makes money, you make money! As you make money, we make money! As we make money we shuttle the money to an extensive array of offshore holdings held in the names of deceased pets. Almost everyone is making money! Multi-level marketing schemes are illegal in the state of California so it’s a good thing that this definitely is not one of those. For one low price and many smaller payments*, you and your team can purchase a Ghost Patrol franchise and all that comes with it. With our guidance and your money, your Ghost Patrol success awaits! Watch out, Walnut Creek calamities! Ghost Patrol is on patrol!

*Payments may include but are not limited to: currency, time, dignity, decreases in moral and ethical objectivity, blood offerings to the seven ancient evils, and cat-sitting Matt’s cat while he’s on vacation this summer.

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    Author

    Matthew Kuhmann is a Senior Management Operations Director with Ghost Patrol International Holdings LLLC. The extra L is for "Look, we really don't appreciate this level of scrutiny."

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  • Home
  • Info
  • Blog
  • Prior Events
  • Teams
  • Puzzles
    • Puzzle Overview
    • White River Park
    • American Pharmaceutical
    • Iceberg Brand Ice Pops
    • Sesame Sushi Shop
    • Sacred Ground Coffee
    • Mr. Dill's Theater Candy
    • Thousand Islands Family Restaurant
    • Capture the Ghost
    • Invoice (Meta)