I feel compelled to break down the walls that separate you, the loyal blog reader, and me, your business knowledge sensei. i feel compelled to give those walls an executive inspiration roundhouse kick to the face to share something with you. That thing is gratitude. Let that sink in for those extra nanoseconds it takes things to sink in for you. That's right, I said gratitude. You see, I would never have been able to achieve such exaltation in all things business without you. Truly, a pyramid without layers is just a big and pointy rock sitting in the hot sand. A waterfall without water is just a majestic, towering cliff face. You are the layer upon layer of dark and pungent tomb upon which I survey my world. You are the water tumbling endlessly to it's doom that refreshes my awesome facade. 

It is with this, the most world's most humble, elite-level lux gratitude, that I look to my future real world interaction with you, the people making it happen on the mean streets of Walnut Creek day after day. I feel so lucky for you to be in my presence and so blessed for the measurable benefits this weekend will bring to your franchise.

To show you my gratitude, I'm bringing you the absolute latest in top-of-the-line. state-of-the-art, ghost-ass-kicking technology. I am bringing you the hottest in-depth market research for your area. I am bringing you the full furious force of the Ghost Patrol headquarters executive team. Together we will plunge headlong into a battlefield of ghosts and money and we are gonna plunge back out with our pockets stuffed with both. You're welcome.

It's funny how times change, isn't it? For instance, the human entities that make up the executive board of Ghost Patrol International Holdings LLLC were once executives for rival companies. And those companies had nothing to do with paranormal investigation and elimination. One was a successful wasteland transportation services conglomerate and the other was lowkey, a company best known for its failed efforts to breed a sloth with a donkey. It failed in so many ways, you guys. And the executive board of Ghost Patrol LLLC still sit as executives of companies which simultaneously compete with, contract with and contract as Ghost Patrol. This, budding entrepreneurs, is business.

What has me in a mood for dredging up the past? Well, you could say that we are getting the band back together. For a brief moment in time, all of the Ghost Patrol executives, sans one dangerous recluse whose location is known only to CIA satellites and a family of cybernetics enhanced raccoons, are going to be in the same place at the same time. When we first incorporated, the other executives informed me of the importance that we never all be in the same place at the same time and that I, personally, due to my incredible importance, should stay away from them altogether. If ever there were to be a cataclysmic event, the company could continue sans a C-something-O. The funny thing is they are always tagging each other in pictures on Facebook and attending events to which I'm not invited. 

I had a lot of time to think on my way to California. I made a stop at an exclusive resort hidden deep in the Askja caldera in Iceland. Either "let me Askja a question" jokes are not appreciated there or they couldn't understand my thick American accent. They are pioneering a new kind of sensory deprivation tank there. Instead of the usual abyss of hallucinatory terror where the only sounds are the beating of your heart and the tinkle of your tinkle, these tanks have chairs and you can keep your underpants on (but you don't have to!). These super exclusive tanks are reserved for only their palladium-level and above members. The tank is roughly 900 square feet and the layout is that of a one bedroom apartment. You eat non-luxury food, sleep in a non-luxury bed, watch a single television with basic cable, listen only to the music available on free radio stations. Nothing is luxury. The sheets have an actual thread count instead of just an infinity symbol, the chair is a Poang. The internet is Comcast Xfinity. The wine selection consists of one red and one white and both are bottled by Trader Giuseppe. You can keep your cell phone but you can only get bars if you stand on the toilet and there are no Pokestops nearby. Once you enter, you cannot leave for 24 hours. It's a total mind bender. It just really makes you feel appreciation and empathy for things.

It took nearly two weeks in that chamber before I mustered to courage to do what I knew needed doing. For the first time in years, I had to go to work.