I was reminded of this on Monday when I received a call from the executive assistant to the CEO of Ghost Patrol International Holdings LLLC informing me that the company would not be replacing my limousine helicopter due to financial cutbacks. Nor was I to buy any more Bucky Domes for my underwater sea base. My plan to laser etch a hilarious tableau of insect genitals onto the moon's surface?Indefinitely moth-balled. It seems our Ghost Patrol franchises on the American West Coast are under-performing. Ghost Patrol International Holdings LLLC was built on the promise of other people's money and our franchise owners are not keeping their end of that promise.
Enraged in my penthouse apartment at the Burj Dubai, I rushed to the roof and flung my diamond encrusted house slippers into the oblivion between luxury and the desert floor. As quickly as they had left my hand my attack owls, Hootie and Dave Matthews, broke free from their aerie and dove over the edge of the massive glass spire, returning moments late with my sparkly sparkle flip-flops in their terrifying talons. Peace came over my being.
It was in that moment that I realized the truly successful can't be beaten. Success is calm. Success is beautiful. Success is not a ship upon the sea in a storm. Success is a submarine. It’s a natural expression of my staggering ability, flawless expertise, and utmost self-regard. I went back inside and lit some aroma-therapy candles, cranked up the Enya, rubbed my entire body with a mixture of beeswax, avocado oil and lavender until I gleamed like the tower of glass I inhabited. I ordered nameless assistant 1 to lay out the most California suit I have and ordered nameless assistant 2 to book my flight, I'm going to California to make things right.